


a study of you and things i didn't say

by orphan_account



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2021-01-23 08:46:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21317383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: at this point i assume the only people that read these are strangers on the internet//i hate the fact that this is in second person but whatever//goddamn i'm tired
Kudos: 3





	a study of you and things i didn't say

there's a lot of almosts

* * *

the first day i realized that the major crush i had on you was pretty much unavoidable i almost complimented you and it would have been so easy to just say “hey you look nice today” even though i’m an awkward and anxious disaster 

at the eighth grade lunch table when you talked about asking me out every time i almost said “just do it now!! i like you, idiot” because i was extremely impatient 

when you asked who i liked all of those times i was so close to saying “you, dumbass” and i think you already knew but just wanted to hear me say it

there were a lot of times where i almost called you cute just in casual conversation just to see your reaction

that band and orchestra concert in eighth grade when i texted you on stage?? i almost said you looked cute just right then and their because holy shit you looked so fucking cute and i was sitting there absolutely terrified that someone would point out that i was staring at you the entire time

when you confessed that you liked me my exact words were almost 

“i. i noticed, you haven’t quite been subtle

ii. yeah me too but what were you expecting how could i not like you”

instead i just replied with dripping sarcasm because i was scared that it was all a joke (i also almost said “please tell me this isn’t a joke” anxiety seriously went wack with that possibility)

and with the monopoly money thing you were on top of me and my face was bright red and you kept staring at my lips and i almost said “well i can’t really move much (because, you know, the whole wrists pinned to the floor deal) so you’re going to have to be the one that kisses me just saying”

at camp i almost sent you a letter in the mail written out in cursive even though you can’t really read my handwriting and i almost told you that for the clay projects we had to make i put bees, fireworks, a butterfly, stars, a hummingbird, and a lizard on mine because i was a hopeless mess and i missed you so those were the first things that came to mind (the project fell apart in the end and i still have it but that part’s not important)

the first time i had a nightmare about you was that night over the summer when you texted me because you took a shot and i dreamed about you cutting and committing suicide and then cried about it because i don't know what i would do if that nightmare came true and i almost texted you about it but i didn't want to burden you or be annoying and i never talk about nightmares

<strike> when i read the things you said to her, i almost told you that i understood because she was everything i wasn't and i knew it </strike>

but i didn't do any of those things

the same way i didn't quite treat you like you were the world to me

i shouldn't have been so scared to show you that i cared in more ways than just poetry

<strike>and god, if i had believed we could end like this maybe i would have been less nervous and this wouldn't have happened</strike>

i regret quite a few things

i shouldn't be writing this

sorry

**Author's Note:**

> sorry.


End file.
